A Depressed Heart
by cindythechef
Summary: This is set in season 12 and it chronicles Tony getting depressed after Ziva and he tries to take his own life. This is not a death fic and no ships. Tony and Gibbs Daddy and son. This will probably hold some ooc for Tony given the whole suicidal thing but I will try to keep Gibbs as close to true as possible. If you struggle with depression please don't read and hugs.
1. Chapter 1

(Not sure where I am going with this. I felt so bad for Tony after this last episode in season 12, we thought he was getting over Ziva. Not sure where this story is going and for how long it will but I had this wild plot bunny that needed to roam free. Thank you for reading!)

Tony sat holding Ziva's star of David pendant, he couldn't stop the sting of tears in his eyes. He absent-mindedly ran his thumb over the tarnished gold and he couldn't stop his mind from wondering; what was wrong with him? What did he do to make every woman in his life leave him? Is anyone ever going to think Anthony DiNozzo is worth sticking around for?

He quickly dried his eyes before anyone saw and replaced the necklace and gathered his backpack and left the bull pin. He never saw the two blue eyes watching his quiet reverie.

Gibbs watched the young man, who was for all purposes his eldest son, so filled with pain and it broke his heart.

It had been over a year and he started to date again, he thought that he was getting over Ziva, but he guessed he was wrong. He stood for another minute looking at Tony's empty desk then he made a decision and went down to autopsy to see if Ducky was still there, maybe he could help him figure out how to perk up his loyal St. Bernard.

Gibbs rushed through the automatic doors of autopsy he found the only inhabitant to be Jimmy Palmer finishing up some last minute chores. He gruffly asked if Ducky was around and when he was told Ducky left about an hour ago he turned to leave but was stopped by a timid Jimmy, "Agent Gibbs, can I ask you something sir?"

Gibbs tried to hide it but he sighed, he had more important things on his mind than the endless paddling of Ducky's assistant but he manned up, "Sure Palmer, what's up?"

Jimmy did not like talking with Gibbs. He had gotten over the stuttering but the man still scared the stuffing out of him but he had to ask, " Sir, I was wondering if you, I mean have you noticed anything off with Tony? I have been really worried about him and he has started to loose a lot of weight and I know he is dating again but you never hear about any lady more than a date or two, I have even thought of introducing him to a couple of my Gay friends thinking maybe he would have better luck with a dude, he told me once that he thought everyone deserved a crack at the DiNozzo experience but I don't think he is really Bi I just think he likes to …."

"PALMER! Take a breath before you sprain your tongue. I have noticed the same thing that is why I was looking for Ducky. I will talk to Ducky tomorrow and maybe between the three of us we can think of a way to help Tony. Go home to Brianna, I will see you tomorrow."

Gibbs made his way to his yellow charger and he started to head home he couldn't shake the bad feeling; his gut was screaming at him to check on Tony. He sat at the intersection where right would take him home but left would take him to Tony's.

He shook his head and went right to his house, "Its late, I wont bother Tony tonight I will pull him to a conference room in the morning " He convinced himself and went home to his empty quiet house.

Sitting in his basement a few hours latter he couldn't get his mind off of Tony. He thought about the young man who was not so young anymore but he was still his boy. He was a good son sticking by his old man through thick and thin and helping to protect his younger siblings and he smiled thinking how he has really helped to mold Ellie and how Tim was such a good agent that he will probably leave their little family soon and head up his own team. Tony was ready for that many years ago but it is the job of the eldest son to look after his Dad. He fondly thought, "what he would do with a day that didn't have Tony on his six."

He was about to shut it down for the night when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and his gut started screaming at him, it was Tony calling. He answered it with his usual gruff manner, "Gibbs". For a few minutes all he could hear was quiet sobbing then a slurred voice came over the speaker, "Boss, I just wanted to say, I love you boss, you are a great boss and I love working with you but boss I just cant do it anymore. I am so tired, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am so freaking alone and I just can't stand it anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. Other people half my age have been married and divorced all ready and no one has ever stuck around me long enough to get one marriage in. Hell boss you have had FOUR marriages and me…. What is wrong with me boss, why cant anyone love me. My own Dad barely gives me the time of day. I…" (the rest of what he was saying was drowned out by his sobs)

By the time Tony got "I love you" out Gibbs was in the car on the way to his apartment. When Tony stopped talking Gibbs yelled over the phone, "Where are you Tony? You are not alone son I promise you are not alone. I am five minutes away from your apartment."

Tony heard what his boss said and panicked, "Oh God no Boss you can't see me like this. I just couldn't leave without telling you how much you mean to me but I have to go now, tell the others I love them and tell Probie that he is going to make a great 2 IC and tell Ultra Probie to enjoy training her very own Probie. Goodbye Boss"

Tony hung up the phone as Gibbs was pulling up to the apartments and when he got out of the car he heard a gun shot. His eyes became big as saucers and he took off running toward Tony's apartment. He didn't pick the lock or use his key when he made it to the door with one experienced kick the door gave way and his heart stopped. Tony was sitting on the brown leather couch with a bullet wound in the side of his face and half his face was covered in blood.

"Oh Jesus no, Oh God…" He went to the still body of his senior agent and with shaky hands he reached to feel for a pulse. He amazingly found a weak one but it was there. He whipped out his phone to call EMS when paramedics and police came into the door. Gibbs looked at them odd, "I was just about to call you, how are you all ready here?"

The paramedics brushed Gibbs aside and the police officer answered, "A neighbor heard the shot and saw you bust in the door and called us. What happened here?"

Gibbs sighed and showed him his badge and told him that this was his second and he had been struggling with depression and he had tried to take his own life and damn near almost succeeded. He told him that he had called to tell him goodbye and that is when he high tailed it over here right as this happened.

Gibbs never took his eyes off of Tony while he recounted the tale to the police officer. The older officer touched Gibbs arm to get his attention, "Being a cop isn't easy no matter if you are on the force or you are a Navy cop and I can tell this young fella is more than just another officer for you, you go to the hospital with him and I will finish up here and call your team okay?"

Gibbs just shook his head and followed the gurney holding his boy into the waiting ambulance. In the ambulance Gibbs was sat at Tony's feet while the paramedics worked to stop the bleeding in his head wound. The paramedics where conversing with the waiting doctors at Bethesda. There was a lot of medical jargon he did not understand but that is okay he could see the bleep of the heart monitor, as long as Tony was still with us they could over come anything.

They made it to Bethesda and Gibbs was ushered into a waiting room and given a clipboard with forms to fill out. He sat holding the clipboard and just took a moment to catch his breath and gather his senses. Once the forms were all filled out and returned to the nurse he went down the hall to the coffee machine and got a cup of crappy hospital coffee. When he got back to the waiting room Tim, Abby, Ducky and Ellie were waiting for him and Abby was holding a really big cup of his favorite coffee. Gibbs saw the gift Abby had and threw the cup of brown water he had just gotten himself away and took the offered cup from Abby that came with a hug. Ducky spoke for the group, "Dispatch called us all Gibbs, what happened?"

Gibbs sat down with Abby snuggled close, he made sure to wrap a protective arm around Abby, he knew what he was going to tell them would be hard on them all but especially Abby, "Well tonight I got a call from Tony, he had been sobbing and he basically told me that he loved me and that he was glad he had a chance to work for me and told me to tell you Abby that he loved you. (Giving her an extra squeeze of comfort before he continued) and he told me to tell you Tim that he was proud of you and that you would make a great lead one day and Ellie he told me he was proud of you and told you to enjoy torturing your own probie soon." He was quiet a moment letting all that settle in their minds before he continued, "I pulled up at the apartment and heard the gun shot I kicked in his door and found him, thankfully he was still breathing and a neighbor called rescue and they arrived within five minutes of me kicking in the door. I rode with him here and now we are waiting to hear something."


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N I should probably tell you that there are spoilers to season 12 in here but if you haven't been watching season 12 you SO should it is really really good. I hope you are enjoying this and it should be fun watching Tony recover and get back some spunk. I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always thank you for all the alerts and likes and comments they mean so much)

They sat quiet for a few minutes digesting the information that Gibbs told them. McGee was the first to speak, " I am sorry Gibbs, I could see how much he was struggling with Ziva leaving, I should have been a better friend and maybe if I would have.."

Gibbs stopped him, "No Tim, don't okay, don't play the what if game or you will drive you crazy, believe me. Could we have been a better more attentive family to him? Hell yes! Will we learn from this and appreciate the second chance we have with him? You better believe it. We all know in this job depression is a very real thing for anyone but factor in the years that Tony has had none of us should be surprised but we will be there for him every step of the way."

Ellie looks confused, "Shouldn't the annual Psych evals we have to go through have caught some of the warning signs? I mean isn't that why we go through those every year?"

Gibbs just smiled and looked at his hands. Abby noticed how hard it was for Gibbs to answer her so she took it on herself to answer for him, "You are still new and you haven't really scratched the surface of our Tony, he is the most sought after under cover agent because he is so adept at showing you only what he wants you to see. Those Psych evals are like play time for Tony. He only shows them what they need to see to approve him to go into the field."

Ellie looked at McGee and Gibbs for conformation on what Abby said. Gibbs let out a small sad little laugh, "Yeah, not a lot of people take the time to look past the playboy and see the real Tony. I hope you get a chance to see the real Tony, he is a good guy."

The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Jimmy Palmer, Ducky and the Director. Gibbs looked at the Director and then at Ducky accusingly. Vance noticed the look and held up his hand to placate Gibbs, "I was in autopsy this morning when Ducky got the call about Tony and so I came with him to see how he is?"

Gibbs sighed, "He is alive, that is all I know, we have been here several hours and no one has told me anything after I signed the release for surgery."

Vance looked to Ducky, "Dr. Mallard would you go and see if you can find out any information for us and Gibbs come with me and lets talk for a minute."

Ducky left and Gibbs hung his head in defeat then stood up to follow Vance into an adjoining empty office. "Listen Leon, Tony has been through crap pretty much since you took over as Director and he never got to recover from the crap Jen put him through. From being afloat not to mention the shenanigans the old Sec Nav put him through the agency owes him some grace in this."

Vance let him talk himself out, "I know Gibbs, if you would have given me a second I would have pretty much said the same thing. I cannot ignore this, he is going to have to get help but I will work with him and you okay. You both have enough vacation and sick time to almost take a year off work and if he needs it we can put in on disability until he can get right. I know DiNozzo and I didn't see eye to eye at first but I do know how important he is to the MCRT and to NCIS as a whole. I am willing to put whatever resources we need into him getting better. You have my word on that. I just wanted you to know that as long as he gets the help he needs he will always have a place on MCRT and NCIS okay?"

Gibbs had to swallow hard to keep the emotion out of his voice, "Thank you Director, I will make sure he gets the help he needs."

Vance stood and patted his shoulder, "I know what he means to you, I didn't understand at first but now I do and know you have whatever recourses you need to help him, we will get him back on your six where he belongs."

Gibbs smiled as he followed Vance back to the waiting room. When Gibbs took his place back with Abby McGee and Abby gave him a questioning look, wondering what Vance had said but Gibbs just smiled at them both and let them know it wasn't bad.

It took Ducky another thirty minutes before he came back into the waiting room with a young woman in a lab coat and scrubs. "This is Dr. Markham everyone she is the chief facial and nerve doctor here at Bethesda. Doctor these are Anthony's family and friends."

The young woman looked to be in her late thirties, she smiled and pulled a chair in the middle of the little group, "Agent DiNozzo was brought in early this morning with a gun shot wound to the right temple. Thankfully Agent DiNozzo had been drinking pretty heavily, I fear if he hadn't been so drunk his aim would have been much better, as it is he has managed to take a pretty good hunk of his face off on the right temple. We had to repair a bunch of little vessels and we have managed to close his wound up to the point it should leave minimal scaring and what scaring it does leave if he just grows his hair out a little longer it should cover it well. The only long-term effect of this is a marked decrease in his hearing on the right side. Although it is probably going to be a significant deficit it should not affect his return to the field once he takes care of the other issues at play. I want you all to realize that in all suicide attempts the patient is held in house for a period of a week to set up a care plan and be evaluated. Since he will need to be in the hospital that long for his injuries we can probably do it all at once if he is willing to work with us. I know you all care deeply for Agent DiNozzo but today I would feel better if just one of you stayed with him and helped him. Dad, I think that would be best if it was you unless there is a Ms. DiNozzo."

Gibbs shook his head and smiled, he secretly loved when people mistook him for his Dad, in his heart that is exactly what he was, "No worries Doc I will stay with him and talk to him about everything. It would probably be better received coming from me. I also have a psychiatrist who has worked with him successfully before that I would like to call in if that would be agreeable."

"Absolutely, just get me her contact information and I will have it set up on my end. Your boy will be in his room in about ten minutes and I will have someone come and get you when you can go back."

Gibbs stood up when the doc did and shook her hand, "Thank you for everything."

She went to walk away then stopped and turned back to Gibbs, "My Dad was a cop for 40 years, I saw how the job effected him but he made it because he had a family that loved him and so will your boy." With a smile from both parties she left.

Gibbs took a deep breath, "Okay since you all aren't going to be able to see Tony yet I need for you all to help me with something. Leon, can you call Dr. Cranston and tell her about Tony and ask her if she would come and evaluate him and work with the Psych dept here on his treatments?" Leon nodded and patted Gibbs shoulder as he left the room.

"Ducky, will you work with Leon and when Dr. Cranston agrees to help Tony get what ever information who ever needs?"

"Ellie, McGee and Palmer, will you (handing McGee a key) take my truck and move some of Tony's essentials into the guest bedroom at my house try and set what you think he would need to feel at home. He is going to be staying with me for a while."

"Abby, will you work on calling Senior and letting him know he was hurt on the job and will be at my house for a while. Don't tell him about the self-inflicted part if Tony wants him to know then fine but it isn't our place to tell him. Oh and you have my credit card so can you call and have internet and cable set up at my place and especially in the living room and in Tony's room."

Abby gave a mock salute and then a coy smile as she replayed the words "Tony's room" in her mind. She gave him a big hug then whispered in his ear, "You two are going to heal each others hearts. I am so proud of you my Silver Fox"

Gibbs just smiled a little smile at her words then ushered everyone out of the waiting room, he was finally alone again and had just enough time to take a few deep breathes when the nurse came to get him so he could go see Tony.

When he got into the quiet room Tony was lying in bed with his eyes closed pretending to be asleep. He had a nasal cannula on and a huge turban of bandages around his head. Gibbs sat next to Tony and gently held the other mans hand. "You are a top notch under cover agent but I can still tell when you are faking sleep."

Tony didn't respond he just went on pretending he was asleep, "That's okay you can keep resting, I know you need it. I know I am a functional mute but I am going to try and not be for a while, you are worth it. I let you down Tony and I am so sorry."

Tony scrunched up his brow and looked at Gibbs. "There are those green eyes, I let you down Tony and I am sorry. I thank God I was given a chance to make things right with you."

Tony shook his head no and when he stopped his head he began to cry, "Boss you..it is me, I am a failure no one sticks around for me and well I got tired and it wasn't your fault it was me boss." Tony closed his eyes to try and stop the tears but they silently flowed down his cheeks.

Gibbs reached up and gently wiped the tears away and let his hand rest on his cheek, "Anthony, I know you have been through so much but not everyone has left you, you still have me, Abby, McGee, Palmer and Ducky and we all love you very much."

Tony wiped hard at his face and hissed as he hit his bandaged wound. Gibbs took his hand and placed it on his belly, "You might not want to do that for a while."

Tony looked at Gibbs, "Why are you here? My own father will barely recognize I exist and every woman I have ever loved starting with my Mom and ending with Ziva have left me. Hell I can't even kill myself right. I am useless and a screw up just like my Dad used to tell me. He used to ask me why anyone would ever love me and (sniff sniff) I used to think he was just a drunk bastard who didn't know what he was saying but now I can see he was right."

Tony startled when he got a hard swat on the leg. It made him stop and look at his boss in shock.

"Well, I cant smack your head right now and you are sitting on your ass so your leg is the best option I had. Now normally I would tell you I would only say this once but given the circumstance I will say it as often as you need to hear it. I love you very much. You are the son of my heart. Even your Dad admitted last time he was here that I have been more of a father to you than he has. And you Anthony DiNozzo are the most important thing to me. Remember when the director told you to keep the threat on my life quiet from me because we just lost Jack and you didn't, you told me like a good son. I stormed into the directors office and (pause for emotion check) and told him that you are all I have left now and he had no right to tell you to keep things from me."

Tony tried to say something profound but he looked at Gibbs and mouthed, "Sorry" then after a few steading breathes he looked at Gibbs, "Can I ask you something really non manly?"

Gibbs smiled, "it is just you and me in here DiNozzo if we go a little girly no one has to know."

Tony laughed through the still falling tears, "Can I have a hug boss?"

Gibbs carefully sat on the edge of the bed and gently pulled his senior agent into a gentle but firm hug with Tony's face buried in his chest and his hands fisting in the material on the back of his shirt and the two men sat and held each other. Tony gathering strength from the older man and Gibbs appreciating the feel of a very alive Tony in his arms and promised himself to do anything in his power to keep him that way.


	3. Chapter 3

(So sorry for the delay in updating, finals and Thanksgiving were both busy. I should mention in this chapter there is the OC moments but hello cut me some slack he tried to off himself no one is on their A game right now There are some episode spoilers for various season 11 and 12. The Admirals daughter being one (very good episode watch it if you haven't) as always there is a hint of one sided TIVA but Ziva is not painted well and I think that's it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing I appreciate it so much. ENJOY)

Tony eventually cried himself to sleep and Gibbs gently laid the man back into the bed and covered him up. He bent down close to the younger mans ear and whispered, "Sleep, I will be here watching over you". With one last look at the now peacefully sleeping Tony Gibbs made his way out of Tony's room to with the intention of getting another coffee.

When Gibbs left the room the first thing he saw was a smiling Ducky sitting in the chair in the hall. "How is dear Anthony tonight?" while patting the chair next to him. "Aw Duck, he is a mess. I knew Ziver leaving messed him up but I didn't know how much. The kid is lost and alone and I, I just want to hug him and take all the pain away but I cant and it is bothering me. I can't fix this and God Duck I have never been so scared in my life. He is my family; my son and I can't do anything to help take the pain away. Parents are supposed to be able to do that."

"Aw Jethro, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. I don't think any of us grasped the depth of young Anthony's pain. We know now though and together we will be there for him and we will help him through. I rather think the fortune of his ill aim was a second chance for us all. Oh I almost forgot (reaching below his chair grabbing a bag with food and clothes and a very large coffee) I brought these for you, thinking you might need them."

Gibbs smiled at the offering and the man that held them, "Thank you Duck and you are right this is a second chance for us all and I will not blow it this time. He is mine and I fight for what is mine."

"Here here Jethro. We shall all endeavor to rally around the lad and let him know he is far from alone. I called Doctor Cranston, Caitlyn's sister, and she will be by in the morning to have the first session with Anthony."

"Doctor Cranston has a better chance than any other shrink of getting through. I just hope he lets her help."

The night passed fairly uneventfully Tony did stir with what looked like the beginning of night mares but Gibbs did as he promised and he was right there stroking his head and whispering to him until he would settle back into a peaceful sleep.

During breakfast Gibbs broached the subject of Doctor Cranston's visit. Gibbs was shocked by Tony's reaction. "Doctor Kate's sister huh? I knew someone would be coming today. I think I might be able to actually talk to her."

Gibbs was to say the least surprised and when Doctor Cranston knocked on the door Tony asked Gibbs to let the two talk alone. "You sure, you are up for this I can stay no problem." 

"No its okay boss, you helped me get through last night. Go home and sleep for a little bit. I am in good hands."

"Okay if you are sure. I will have my cell on me if you need anything call me okay. Even if you just need someone to listen okay?"

Tony gave Gibbs a tired but sincere smile, "I promise Boss and thank you." With a nod to Tony and Doc Cranston Gibbs left the two to their session.

"So Tony, been a tough year huh?"

"Yeah Doc you can say that. Things just have never been right since I left Ziva on the tarmac in Israel. God help me I really loved her and well I guess she didn't love me as much. I guess that is really the issue even more than Ziva, when is someone going to love me more than anything else. When am I going to be someone's everything? Am I that horrible of a person that someone can't see past the masks and truly love Tony? My Dad used to tell me that I was impossible to love and I would end up in the gutter thrown out like the garbage I was. At the time it made me pissed off enough to want to prove him wrong but (inhales a sob) he was right no one loves me and I don't know why and I just cant stand it anymore. I want to be someone's first priority not everyone's go to if nothing else is going on. So Doc that is the issues I have; you still up for the challenge of shrinking this brain."

With a laugh, "Yeah Tony, I think I am up for the challenge. First let me get some things straight. Your Father was an abuser. I am not sure if he used physical means as well as verbal and I am sure we will get into it. What he told you would qualify as verbal abuse in any ones book and if I EVER have the misfortune of meeting the man I may very well break his nose."

Tony had to laugh at the image of decorum that was Doc Cranston breaking his Dad's nose.

"You like that image huh? Well I also want to answer the other part. The part about putting you first, Gibbs is not a lover but he does place your needs above his own. To him you and your needs come first. Do you know he actually sat with me on the phone and talked to me about finding you and what it felt like not knowing if you would live and if you did if you would be compromised? Ducky tried to prepare him for you to have some traumatic brain injury and you may need full time care if you survived."

"Oh God poor Gibbs, I never wanted this to happen him to find me or suffer because of me I just wanted the pain to stop."

"Hey calm down, I know that and so does Gibbs. He was beating himself up for not understanding the depth of your pain. Back to the waiting room, you know what he told Ducky to the thought of you needing fulltime care? He looked Ducky straight in the eyes and said as long as my boy is still breathing I don't care. If he needs fulltime care I can retire and take care of him. He will not go through this alone no matter what shape he is in when he wakes up and he WILL wake up."

Tony smiled at a memory, "Last night when I woke up I got really emotional and Gibbs held me tight and called me the son of his heart."

"He did? Wow this REALLY must be effecting the man, I can usually only get him to say three words in a row at best. What is it you call him, a functional mute?"

Tony actually snorted a laugh, "Yeah he is a man of few words he likes for his actions to speak for him. I remember in Paris, I was sent over there to rescue an admirals daughter and I got in a world of mess, I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it home but somehow Gibbs got the freaking French national guard to come and save my ass at just the right moment. All I could do is smile and tell the shocked admirals daughter that the armed rescue screamed Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

"That is pretty cool but let me tell you what his actions have been the last 24 hours and you tell me what you think those actions say. He let your team wait with him till you were declared going to live and they did not think there was any significant damage then he put everyone to work. Your team right now is working to get ready for your release. McGee was tasked with getting you ahead a month on your paperwork, Abby was put on make 'Tony's room' comfortable for him and by Tony's room he means the spare room that he has officially designated as your room. Palmer is helping Abby and they will both fill the cabinets and fridge with food you like and Abby and McGee are going to set up a television and dvd for you to watch and hold onto your socks for this one he gave McGee and Abby the task of getting him set up with Wifi and getting wireless in his house. He is coming into the 21st century finally."

"He is really doing all that for me?"

"Yep, you still think no one puts you first?"

Tony was silent contemplating everything that the Doc said.

"I know what you want is the white picket fence and a family, Kate even told me that she thought the playboy act was smoke and mirrors. I want for you to have that too but until that time, enjoy what you do have. You have Gibbs who as he said is the father of your heart, spend this time getting to really know what it means to be truly loved by a father and to be the pesky big brother for Abby and McGee and listening to the wisdom of a Grandfather in Ducky. They all love you and when they thought that they were going to loose you especially at your own hand they were nearly inconsolable. You are a very loved man and I think this time will be beneficial for you. I think you need to learn what it means to be loved and to really let people past the masks and see the real Very Special Agent."

"I think you are right. I have no idea what it is to be loved and love in return. I am not sure about the Special agent thing though. I am not sure that this wont be the thing that Vance finally can get rid of me for."

"Okay if that is so then why was the first call I got from Vance. He told me he wanted me to start working with you immediately if it was medically possible so you can get back to your desk asap. He said that the agency needs DiNozzo and whatever he needs from us to get better it will happen." 

"VANCE, said that to you? REALLY"

"Yep really pretty cool huh? I think that is enough revelation and therapy for today. I will be back every morning while you are in hospital and then we can set up a schedule for when you get out. I talked to the doctors; they think you will be in about a week baring any complications. They want to test your brain function a couple of different ways to make sure you are a 100% don't fight them okay please. Take the time and get better physically and mentally, okay? Promise no escape attempts"

"Promise Doc and thank you. This isn't going to be easy but this is a second chance at life. See ya tomorrow. I promise I will be here"


	4. Chapter 4

(Spoilers for different episodes and ooc Gibbs but like I said Tony tried to kill himself so they are all a little OOC but for those of us who like sap and fluff it will hopefully be enjoyable. Even in the show Daddy DiNozzo told Gibbs he was more of a Dad to Tony than he was.:)

The next morning Tony kept his promise he greeted Dr. Cranston with a smile that didn't quit reach his eyes.

"How we doing this morning Tony?"

The only answer she received was a shoulder shrug.

The next hour went with much the same success, Tony taking part just enough to actually be classified as participating but not much more.

Dr. Cranston realized they had reached their limit after about 45 minutes and decided to end the morning's session early. She patted him on the leg, "I am proud of the work you are putting in to getting better and I know Kate would be too. I will see you in the morning and maybe we can have Gibbs sit with us during the session, would that be okay?"

With a half smile and a shrug, "S-fine doc, see ya then"

Dr. Cranston left Tony's room and went in search of his doctor when she found the attending physician she asked him if there had been any medical issues that could account for the change in Tony's demeanor. The young attending sat with Dr. Cranston in the physicians lounge, "I am glad you found me to ask about Mr. DiNozzo, this morning we took him for an MRI and an EEG, what we found was some damage due to some localized swelling. The damaged area is in the area that controls coordination and sensation, which is probably why he hadn't noticed any issues yet but we are uncertain what extent the damage will be and how it will affect Mr. DiNozzo in his work as a federal agent, also we started him on a low dose of seizure medications the damage will likely leave him with a seizure disorder. He hasn't experienced a seizure yet but the damage in his brain makes them likely."

"Two questions, how did he take the news and was Agent Gibbs with him when you told him?"

"I haven't seen Agent Gibbs since yesterday and he seemed okay with the news he just seems quieter."

With an audible sigh, "So you haven't told Agent Gibbs about this yet?"

"No, Mr. DiNozzo was awake and able to give us consent for the tests and he was awake and able to understand the results there was no need to contact the next of kin for anything."

"Listen, I am going to tell you something that will make your life a whole lot easier, most of the staff here know this because of Tony's frequent visits but when it comes to Anthony DiNozzo and his care Leroy Jethro Gibbs is ALWAYS to be included. That man may be listed as just the power of attorney/next of kin but he is in every since of the word Tony's Dad and he expects to be treated as such; when Tony is in trouble he becomes like a bear with a thorn in his paw; you do not want to cross the man okay."

"If this Gibbs is such a Papa Bear then why was his surrogate son being treated for an attempted suicide? Sounds like to me the guy just likes to make a fuss but doesn't have any substance."

Dr. Cranston made a show of looking over her shoulder to see if Gibbs was standing behind her. She remembered Kate telling her how he would seem to appear out of thin air behind anyone who was complaining about him. When she made sure he was not there she answered the judgmental attending, "Tony has had a hell of a couple of years, hell more like a hell of a life, from an abusive father to issues with old partners and then once he got to NCIS things like the plague and loosing a partner right in front of him, the partner who happened to be my baby sister, countless injuries and heroics including rescuing a partner from the clutches of a terrorist in Somalia then having that partner who he fell head over heels in love with leave him for no real reason and not just left NCIS but gave up her citizenship and go back to Israel. The man has had a hell of a life and the only constant source of strength he has had has been Gibbs, Gibbs is the reason he is still breathing and will continue to breath and he deserves your respect and if you cant give him that then you need to not handle Tony's care. You got it?"

The stunned doctor shook his head as Dr. Cranston left the lounge. She stormed off down the hall she never saw Dr. Brad Pitt standing around the corner listening to what was being said. He slipped into the lounge and smirked as the young doctor was still sitting trying to comprehend all he was told. "Hey Joe, how ya doing man? I hear you are treating DiNozzo?"

The young man startled at the intrusion but smiled at the familiar colleague, "Morning Brad, I was told that you might be stopping by to check on DiNozzo's lungs. I tell you his lungs are the least of his issues."

"I heard your conversation with Dr. Cranston. She is right you know about Agent Gibbs. When Tony had the plague we were about to loose him. He was in bad shape. Gibbs came busting in the isolation ward informing us the bug had a suicide chain and he was no longer contagious but then he shooed us out of the room and sat next to this dying mans bed, smacked him on the forehead to make sure he was listening and told him four simple words, you – will – not – die, and the damndest thing is he listened and from that point on he steadily improved. Gibbs is more than next of kin and even more than a standard Father. He will be your biggest help in treating Tony or if he thinks you aren't doing right by his boy he will be your worst nightmare and doing right includes keeping him informed every step of the way. Do yourself a favor and remember that. Leroy Jethro Gibbs is not someone to piss off. I am going to go and check on Tony now."

-At Gibbs's house-

Dr. Cranston knew that she needed to head right over to Gibbs house and let him know of the developments with Tony. He had told her that he was off work and would be at home till lunchtime when he would come to the hospital. She knocked on the door.

It took a sweat pant clad Gibbs only a moment to open the door, "Dr. Cranston, what are you doing here? Is Tony okay? If there was a problem you should have called! What's wrong? Is some one with Tony?"

Dr. Cranston smiled, "Easy Gibbs, I just left him and I wanted to come by and talk to you about some stuff concerning Tony and his prognosis."

"Prognosis? What do you mean?"

"Well, I went by the hospital this morning for our session and Tony was not right. Yesterday we talked and had a great session but today I barely got two word responses from him. He participated and did everything he had to do but he wasn't there. I went to his attending and asked if anything happened medically that could account for the malaise. He told me that Tony had given permission to go ahead and do an MRI and EEG this morning and he had received the results right before our session. Those results are what caused the reaction or lack there of during the session."

"DAMN IT! They know that they are supposed to include me on this stuff especially results. Who is the attending I want his head for this."

"Relax Gibbs I already ripped the kid a new one for this and told him that you are not the person to cross especially when it comes to the Tony and his care."

"Thanks Doc, what were the results? What are we looking at?"

"Well there are some issues with swelling and damage from that swelling that will affect his balance and sensation. He was also told that because of that damage he was going to be diagnosed with a seizure disorder and he was put on medication preemptively to stop any seizure from happening. Gibbs this is all stuff he can live with but it is not stuff he can return to being a field agent with."

"Damn idiot doctor, he was told all of this with no one there? I need to go to him. Thank you for telling me this Doc."

"Hold up Gibbs, I agree he needs you more than anyone else right now but how are you dealing with this news. Will you be okay if he cant be a field agent anymore?"

"First off Doc, don't sell Tony short. If anyone can beat the odds it is Tony. Second I almost lost my boy, I told Doctor Mallard in the waiting room, I don't care what shape he is in as long as I get him back with me. His status as an agent will never effect his status as my son."

"I am glad to hear you say that. Just be sure that you tell Tony that okay. I know talking is not your strong point but Tony needs to hear the words and see the actions and he may still not believe it."

"He will believe it because I tell him to believe it. Thanks for coming by Doc. See yourself out I am going to get dressed and go see Tony (mumbling as he walked up stairs) and maybe have a little chat with that attending familiarize the prick with the fact that I am Tony's Dad first and a sniper second and if he forgets the dad part he will meet the second part."

Dr. Cranston heard the mumblings as Gibbs went upstairs to dress and she couldn't help but giggle, "Poor young doctor doesn't have a clue the angry papa bear he just poked."

-Back in Tony's room-

Tony was lying in his bed looking at the ceiling trying to stop the stray tears from falling when he heard a familiar voice, "So Buckeye, how is it going this fine morning, or afternoon I should say."

Tony sat his bed up and quickly wiped his eyes plastering on a halfhearted smile, "I have been better but at least I am not a Wolverine"

"Ooo OUCH! Well the sarcasm part of your brain is in tact… Listen Tony I am going to cut to the chase, I heard about your results and I know what you are thinking. But it isn't true. If anyone can beat this stuff it is you. You are the come back kid. Remember 15%? Second even if you cant be a field agent anymore you won't loose Gibbs."

Tony looked at Brad stunned. Brad answered his shocked look, "Come on, I didn't help you get through the plague not to mention break your leg without getting to know you a little bit. Gibbs is going to be on your six no matter your field status. This is the man who calls me to get a report on you every six months because he knows you wont tell him the whole truth. The only thing he is going to care about is having you alive and with him."

Both men were startled when a loud commanding voice came from the doorway, "Listen to the man DiNozzo, he is a pretty smart guy."

Both men looked to the door. Brad shook Gibbs hand, "I will leave you two to talk. Check ya latter Buckeye."

Brad left and shut the door Gibbs came in and set his coffee on the hospital table and sat on the side of Tony's bed, "Well I heard about the test you had done today, before we talk about the results can we talk about why you didn't want me to be there with you when you went through them?"

"Well they were just standard tests they said no big deal, I didn't think they would tell me what they did. I don't know, I just.."

Reaching out and placing a hand on Tony's cheek, "You are not alone do you hear me? You do not have to do this on your own. As far as what the tests say, I don't care as long as you are still with me. If you can't return to the field maybe I will retire and you and I will go to Hawaii and be like Magnum. When you first got brought in Ducky warned me that you might have some residual issues form the gunshot. I will tell you what I told him; as long as I have my son I don't care what shape he is in. I just can't loose another child, I will never survive it."

Tony couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Gibbs calloused thumb gently wiped the tears away since his hands were still on the younger mans cheeks. Both men sat looking into each other's eyes for a moment then Gibbs turned and sat next to Tony in the bed and pulled the younger man into his chest, wrapping both arms around his boy protectively.

No more words were needed right now the action of being held by Leroy Jethro Gibbs spoke to Tony louder than any word could have.


End file.
